5 Things I've Learned from Divorce

Eight months ago I never thought that I would be in the position that I am today. Today I am attending my dad’s wedding. The past eight months have been a whirlwind of life changing events and emotions. Experiencing my parent’s divorce has been the worst time of my life. I have learned five very important things that although do not take away the pain that I feel, have helped to ease this burden and give me hope.

1. Agency enables us not to make the same mistakes.

The idea of agency is sometimes a very hard pill to swallow. Agency is the ability to choose and act for ourselves. The reality of agency is that sometimes people’s choices do hurt others. Agency is essential to our mortal existence, and although we can make choices that hurt others, we can also make choices that bring us closer to Jesus Christ. 2 Nephi 2:27 reads, “Wherefore, men are free according to the flesh… and they are free to choose liberty and eternal life, through the great Mediator of all men, or to choose captivity and death, according to the captivity and power of the devil.”

Although we are free to act, we are not free to choose the consequences of our actions. These consequences can often be felt by other people, sometimes for years and years to come. For me, this is the hardest thing about agency. But, agency allows us to make our own choices and not make the same mistakes as those who have come before us. This principle gives me hope to bring into my own marriage and sealing covenants that I will enter into someday.

2.Satan targets families.

I feel like there is almost no explanation needed here.

The family truly is of God. Families and the importance of them are seen all through the scriptures. Examples are given of families who support each other and strengthen their individual members. And these strong families are sealed on earth so that those family bonds can endure eternally. President Henry B. Eyring explained in the April 2016 General Conference, “everything we do should have celestial marriage as its focus and purpose.”The family is God’s strongest organization here on earth, and because of that, it is Satan’s number one target.

3. The Lord provides for us.

The Lord has given us so many tools to use in times of despair. He has blessed us with scriptures, the ability to pray and receive personal revelation, and the words of prophets. Just as Satan knows exactly how to deceive us, the Lord knows exactly what we need to succeed. He knows exactly what we are going through and the tools to put in our paths to help us succeed. I am so grateful for the guidance that I get from scriptures and conference talks, the comfort that comes from prayer, and the peace that I have gotten from countless priesthood blessings. “God will give liberally to him that asketh” (2 Nephi 4:35). 

Psalms 37: 39 reads, "But the salvation of the righteous is of the Lord: he is their strength in the time of trouble." He gives us what we need individually. He is truly for us and on our side. President Dallin H. Oaks taught that, “God loves His children and will surely do what is best for each of us.” This is such a testament to me of how loving our Father in Heaven and Jesus Christ really are. We are truly engraven on the palms of Christ’s hands. He cannot forget about us and will not. Not only will He just not forget about us, but He gives us exactly what we need to come unto Him.

4. Trials bring us close to the Lord.

This experience that I have had has ironically strengthened my testimony more than any other experience of my life. President Eyring explained, "the restored gospel of Jesus Christ gives us help is knowing how to qualify for the strength of the Lord as we deal with adversity." I have needed to draw closer to Christ, and as I have, He has drawn closer to me. Proverbs 3:5-6 reads, “Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.” Turning ourselves over to the Lord is very hard. Naturally as humans, we often choose to “lean unto our own understanding.” But in trials sometimes it is easier to turn ourselves over to the Lord. This pattern is seen in the Book of Mormon over and over again. When times get hard and trials come upon the people, they turn to the Lord and then when things get easy again, they start to fall away. This cycle is natural, so it is important that we are always mindful about how close to the Lord we are. 

2 Nephi 4:34 has become one of my favorite scriptures through this time of trial. It reads,“O Lord, I have trusted in thee and I will trust in thee forever. I will not put my trust in the arm of flesh; for I know that cursed is he that putteth his trust in man or maketh flesh his arm.” I love what Nephi explains here about the dangers of not trusting in God. Psalms 37:40 reads, "And the Lord shall help them, and deliver them: he shall deliver them from the wicked, and save them, because they trust in him." The silver lining of trials are that they really do bring us closer to the Lord. “We doubt not the Lord nor His goodness, we’ve proved Him in days that are past” (Hymn 19, We Thank Thee, O God, for a Prophet).

5. Empathy and charity are always needed.

Empathy is the ability to share or understand the feelings of others. This is something that is lost in today’s society. One of the biggest things that has helped me to get through this hard time and see the light at the end of the tunnel has been those who have listened to me talk for hours and have empathized with me. Feeling heard is so very important to anyone who is struggling. 

And not only is just feeling heard important, but being able to feel the Savior’s love is crucial. When asked what the greatest commandment is, Jesus replied, “Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself” (Matthew 22:36-39). Showing charity to others helps them to look at their trials with an eternal perspective and feel the love that Jesus Christ has for them. “Charity is the pure love of Christ, and it endureth forever” (Moroni 7:47). What would Jesus do? He would love first.

Showing charity and empathy towards others often is not easy, but it is crucial. When you meet someone, treat them as if they are in serious trouble. You never know what trials they are experiencing, so it is in everyone’s best interest to always be kind and share God’s love with everyone, regardless of what you know about a hardship that they may be facing.